Different Kinds of Healing
by pinkturtle55
Summary: Sequel to Different Kinds of Pain. After losing their daughter, Emily and Spencer struggle to deal with their loss. They soon find that healing a wound of the body is a lot different than healing the wound of the heart. Co written with ijustwantyoutoknow.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello! Here is the sequel to Different Kinds of Pain. If you haven't read that one yet, this story will make more sense if you do so. This was co written with ijustwantyoutoknow. **

**As always, we LOVE to hear your input, and EVERY review/alert is very much appreciated! We hope you enjoy :)**

**We do not own Criminal Minds**

"_You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present." - Jan Glidewell_

The quiet pitter patter of rain sounded outside of Emily's bedroom window. Reid was asleep next to her but even in the restlessness of the storm she couldn't bring herself to reach out and touch him. Involuntarily she kept glancing over to her dresser drawer. It had been three months since she had last looked into it.

She got out of bed slowly, as not to disturb Reid, and tiptoed over. She eased the wooden drawer open, and without looking she was able to locate the small object she was searching for. It felt cold in her hand as she picked it up. She turned it over in her fingers, the shiny metal glinting in the pale light of the moon. It was hard for her to even look at it, it brought back too many memories she would much rather forget. But she placed the ring on her finger anyway.

The ring didn't fit as it used to, it slipped around. Emily noticed how bony her fingers had become, and she knew Spencer had noticed. He'd known that she stopped eating like she usually had.

Nothing had seemed important after the day they laid their baby to rest.

XXX

_Emily sat with her hands in her lap and her head down. Reid was on her right and JJ on her left. The rest of the team was behind them, and her mother was one row over. Even Strauss was sitting near her mother. She felt Reid's slim hand slip over and encase her smaller one. The nice day contradicted her feelings of intense grief and anger at the world. She would have felt better if it were storming, but instead the sun was shining, like it was any other day. She glanced over to see Reid's expression, but his hair hung limp around his face. She assumed that it was similar to how it had been for the past few days, haunted and full of guilt._

_He kept thinking to himself, maybe if he had protected her better. Maybe if he had stopped Gray. Maybe if he had gotten them out sooner. The guilt kept him awake at nights, in his dreams Emily would blame him, leave him. And really, he would understand if she did. He had failed them both, and she deserved more than him. The dreams haunted him. He knew that his face was pale and that purple bags stained the skin under his eyes. _

_He barely listened to the Pastor as he talked about the sadness of such a small life lost. He didn't know the circumstances, and kept saying that this was a tragic accident. Reid's heart seemed to stop, he knew that it was his fault. It was his fault that his baby was dead and Emily was hurting. Reid hated himself for it. _

_The Pastor spoke of Sophia, and how she would now be with God. All Emily could think about was how unfair that was, and she hated herself for it. She wanted to have her baby with her. She wanted her baby girl, and no matter what this man said of a loving God, it wouldn't change her mind. _

_Reid felt an unfamiliar tug on his heart as the tiny coffin began its descent into the cold unforgiving ground. The pain became almost unbearable as his child was taken further and further from him. _

_Behind him he could hear Garcia sobbing openly, and Morgan trying to comfort her. In a way he wished Emily was crying. He wished she would do something, squeeze his hand back, something so he knew she was still there, so he knew that she was more than just a hollow shell, but in her eyes he could see that she was just that. _

_Once their child was in the ground, the song Amazing Grace came on. Emily glanced at Reid, his head was up and his eyes looked straight ahead. Emily wondered if hers held the same emptiness. _

_The next thing she knew, her mother was standing in front of her. Emily quickly wiped her eyes and stood up. Her mother laid a hand on her shoulder, and Emily stopped herself from cringing at the contact._

_"Thank you for coming, Mother," Emily said stiffly._

_Ignoring her daughter's thanks she whispered, "I'm sorry." with tears evident in her voice. Emily nodded and looked at the abnormally well kept grass. _

_Her mother gave her shoulder one last squeeze. "Please call me if you need anything, dear," She said, and then stepped away. She knew that soon Emily would want to be alone._

_As soon as her mother had stepped away Strauss came over to the pair. _

_"I'm so sorry for your loss." Even her voice cracked involuntarily. "It goes without saying that you will be having time away from work. If you need anything from me or the Bureau please don't hesitate to ask."_

_"Thank you ma'am," Reid said. She gave them one last glance, and stepped over to the side. _

_Emily worked hard to keep her tears at bay. She would let them out some other time, alone. But for now she had to be strong, because if she let one tear out, there would be nothing to stop the rest._

XXX

Reid saw Emily sitting on the floor across the dark room. He knew that she was feeling alone, the way she uncharacteristically hugged her knees to her chest. The way she seemed hesitant to touch him, how she seemed unsure of how to show affection.

He slowly got out of bed and went over to Emily. He sat next to her and wrapped his arms around her body. The way her body was slowly getting smaller frightened him. It seemed that every measure he took to get her to eat was useless.  
>They sat like that for what could have been hours. Emily's steady breathing lulled him into a state where he was half asleep, yet still aware of his surroundings.<p>

"How do you do it?" A hoarse voice asked, Reid's head shot up.

"What?" He replied, adjusting his arms.

"How do you wake up in the morning, and not feel like you wronged her? How do you just forget about the pain?" Emily felt the inevitable emotions of loss coming to the surface as Spencer's arms tightened around her thin body. She hated that she could tell others to stop blaming themselves but she couldn't stop herself from feeling that way.

"I don't forget, I will never forget. But I can't live the rest of my life as if I was the one who killed her. It was Gray, Emily. You made me see this; you need to know that you never wronged her either." Reid could remember the day Emily snapped him out of his guilt clearly.

"Then why does it feel this way?" Emily's question snapped him out of his memory.

Reid had no answers for that question. He didn't know why he felt the way he did, or how to tell Emily that the pain never left, but it got more tolerable as life went on.

"Spencer." Emily brought Reid back from his mind, she looked at him and Reid thought he saw something in her eyes, but almost as quickly as it had come, it left.

As she looked over at him she just couldn't understand. No matter how hard she tried, it just seemed hopeless.

"I don't know Emmy, but I know it gets better." Reid whispered into her unkempt hair, he felt Emily lean into his embrace. Something she hadn't done in quite a while.

Reid couldn't bring himself to end the embrace with Emily. So the pair sat on the floor and watched out the window as the sun lit the sky and slowly dried the trails of water on the glass panes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! Thank you for the great response last chapter. We loved hearing from you, and would love to hear what you think of this one! We hope you enjoy,**

**We do not own Criminal Minds**

_The room was heavy with grief, as the team sat with Emily and Reid in Emily's living room. They had just arrived from the funeral and no one knew what to say, because there was nothing to say. No words could make up for the unimaginable loss that they had just suffered. "I'm sorry," didn't seem like enough. Nothing was enough. _

_Morgan still blamed himself for their child's death. No matter what Hotch and Rossi said, he should have gotten there sooner. And now as he looked at the ghosts of his two team members there was nothing he could do. _

_He held Garcia close as she shook with tears, and did his best to provide her with comfort, but his mind was elsewhere. All he could see was that little coffin descending down into the ground, never to be seen again. It was barely even a consolation that the bastards that had done this were dead. _

_JJ gripped Emily's free hand and held her close. She had known Emily was scared when she found out about the baby, but JJ also knew she had loved her with all of her heart. She wanted so badly to help her hurting friends, that it felt like her heart was going to be torn out of her chest. She could see tears at the edge of Emily's eyes, but she refused to let them fall. JJ just wanted to hug her and tell her that it was okay to cry, but she couldn't move. She had heard that fear was paralyzing, but she didn't know that pain could do the same thing. _

_Looking around the room Emily felt JJ's warm hand in her right hand and Reid's in her left. She saw her entire team here. Garcia in tears, Morgan comforting her. Hotch had a stone expression, but every once in a while it would crack and show what was underneath. Rossi was full of concern, as he usually was. _

_Suddenly Emily couldn't handle it. She couldn't handle all of them being here. For them. For her. She didn't deserve it. She could feel the tears rising up and her throat started to close. She pulled her hands away from JJ and Reid and stood up abruptly. _

_She excused herself and clumsily ran out of the room. She made her way to her bedroom and closed the door, but then continued on to the bathroom. The cold tile sent a shiver through her body as she collapsed to the ground. No longer was she able to control the emotions that ran through her body. _

_Sobs escaped from her, and she felt more alone that she ever had in her life. There was nothing for her to hold onto. All she wanted right now was for the ground to open and swallow her. Maybe this way she would never have to feel again._

XXX

Morgan couldn't help but keep staring at the two empty desks in the bullpen. He was now alone down there, with the rest of the team in offices. JJ had offered him a table in her office, but he had refused her.

Going through file after file of paperwork seemed pointless. No matter how long it had been since the funeral, the pain didn't leave. The kind of pain he had was not one that left with time, it was not sympathy. He was mad. He wished Gray wasn't dead so that he could do it himself. Seeing those empty desks reinvigorated that anger each and every day.

Those empty desks reminded him of the life that had been stolen. Not yet born, but already gone. It wasn't fair.

No matter how much he studied human behavior he still couldn't understand what drove someone to do something like this. He didn't care about the bullshit answers of an abused child hood, or losing a job.

How could someone ever justify murdering an unborn child?

XXX

_From downstairs they could hear the door slam shut and Reid immediately stood up, but before he could leave the room Hotch stopped him._

_"Reid, I know what you're going through," He said sadly. "Right now Emily needs to mourn your guys' loss in her own way. Go and be there for her, but don't try to stop her, just be there." _

_Reid nodded and quickly ran upstairs. When he stepped into her bedroom he could hear her broken sobs coming from the bathroom. He stepped inside and slowly descended to the floor with her. _

_He pulled her tightly into his arms and rubbed her arms slowly. A few silent tears slipped down his cheeks as he held the woman he loved. The pain she was feeling was so obvious that it hurt Reid himself. _

XXX

Emily had fallen asleep against Reid as they watched the sun rise together. He hated to wake her but he had to. Today was their first day back at work. Reid shook Emily gently to get her up.

"Emily, you have to wake up now." He whispered, a light hand still shaking her.

"Go 'way." She grumbled moodily.

"We're going back to work today Emmy."

She turned towards him and glared with sharp eyes. Reid sighed and grabbed her hand.

"Get dressed, I'll make some breakfast."

Emily groaned as she walked over to her closet and pulled out the closest shirt which happened to be a short sleeved navy blue one and then a pair of black pants. Once she slipped her clothes on she noticed how the once tight shirt hung loosely off her body. Looking at herself in the mirror she cringed involuntarily; she looked like a ghost.

She heard Reid call up to her and slowly she walked down the stairs to meet him in the kitchen. There were two plates of eggs and toast sitting on the kitchen table. Reid pulled out the chair for her and she sat down, but once she smelled the food, she was no longer hungry.

Reid sat down in the chair next to Emily, and saw her pick at her food, not eating any. Quickly he finished his plate hoping that she would follow after him, but she didn't. All she took was one bite of eggs, and then dropped her fork back to the plate.

"You need to eat something, Em." Reid spoke with a gentle tone. Emily looked into his deep brown eyes.

"I'm not hungry." Her voice was wispy, not strong as it used to be.

"Please, I can't watch you do this to yourself. Eat something. For me?"

Emily cleared her throat and slowly picked the fork up again. The cold metal warmed in her hand, she glanced over to Reid. He gave her an encouraging look.

The first bite was the worst, it was hard to swallow and it felt like a rock in her stomach. But after the next bite she felt a painful hunger she'd never felt before.

She began eating more rapidly until Reid took the plate away.

"What the hell," She growled; she'd only eaten about half of the plate.

"I-I wasn't expecting you to eat...You'll make yourself sick." Reid's eyes held confliction; he didn't want to keep the food from her. It was such a big step.

"Give me my breakfast." She ordered sternly. Reid just shook his head.

"You haven't eaten anything for a long time. You won't be able to hold it down."

Emily looked longingly at the food but nodded. "Fine."

Reid looked between the clock and Emily, it read 10:30, they were already late to work. He quickly walked past her and placed a kiss on her cheek. He put the plate in the sink and grabbed his bag. Emily got up and followed slowly behind him.

At the door Reid waited for Emily and they walked out holding hands. Reid got into the driver's seat and pulled out of the driveway, keeping one eye on Emily the entire time.

When they pulled into an empty parking spot Reid grabbed Emily's hand before she could get out of the car.

"I love you Emmy. We can leave if it's too much." He squeezed her hand and gave her an encouraging half-smile.

For a moment he thought he saw the corners of her mouth twitch upwards. It was a start.

They stepped out of their car and Reid held his hand out for Emily. She eyed it skeptically but took it anyway. They both knew that today was going to be a long day, and if they wanted to get through it, they would need each other.


	3. Chapter 3

**Once again thank you for the great response, and we'd love to hear more from you! Here is the next chapter, enjoy!**

**We do not own Criminal Minds**

_It had been three days since the funeral and Emily wouldn't let anyone in her house except for Reid. Various members of the team had asked to come visit, only to be shut out. Reid couldn't help but notice Emily's sunken in eyes, and tried to be strong for her. _

_The only time he allowed himself to truly let out his feelings was when he knew Emily was fast asleep. He let his head drop into his hands and he'd let the tears fall. He hurt so much because it was all his fault. He stayed up for hours, blaming himself, telling himself that he killed his own child. Hotch had tried talking to him, he had told him that it would feel like this for a time, but that it would get better. Yet, he felt like it would never go away._

_He would dream of seeing his baby girl, but he could never see her face. All he saw was Emily holding a wrapped up pink blanket, smiling at the newborn. Reid always tried to reach them but he never could. Sometimes Emily would stare at him with accusation in her eyes and refuse to let him hold their baby. Those dreams were the worst. _

_He would wake up in a cold sweat. All he wanted in those moments was to hold Emily close to him, but she wouldn't let him. He wanted to express his sorrow and had no way to. He felt more alone those nights than he ever had before in his life. _

XXX

Reid and Emily stepped into the bullpen together. Emily dropped his hand, and tried to stand confidently. Morgan noticed them before they saw him, and he stood up from his desk.

They made their way over towards him and he pulled Emily into a hug.

"Hey there Princess," He whispered.

Morgan couldn't help but notice how she felt so small in his arms. When they finally released he gave her a once over. She looked even worse than she had at the funeral. He guessed that the time had worn her down.

Emily stepped over to the side and made her way to the stairs to go to JJ's office, and Morgan's eyes landed on Reid. He placed his arms around him the same way he had Emily.

"It's nice to have you back K-," he stopped himself before he could call Reid kid. When he looked into his eyes, he saw clearly that he was no boy. A kid's eyes could not hold that much pain and sorrow. In front of him now stood a man.

Reid's eyes averted to the side to follow Emily as she walked into JJ's office. Morgan saw something in them that seemed to cover up his own pain. They now held a protective nature that seemed to take over, and push anything else out of the way.

"It's good to see you too," Reid finally answered, tearing his eyes away from the door that Emily had just closed behind herself.

"How are you doing?" Morgan asked seriously, his eyes filled with concern.

"I'm doing okay, but..." Reid glanced back up to the closed door.

Morgan nodded in understanding and rested his hand on the man's shoulder. "You know I'm here for you and Emily, right?"

Reid nodded. He had always known that.

XXX

When Emily stepped into JJ's office her nose was buried in a file.

"Don't you ever get a break from that stuff?" Emily asked.

JJ looked up from the file and smiled as she saw Emily standing there. "You can kid yourself that I ever get a day off." She laughed lightheartedly.

A smile twitched at Emily's lips and she sat down in the chair across from JJ's desk. JJ put the file down and looked at the woman across from her.

"It's good to see you, Emily." JJ reached out and took Emily's hand in hers.

"I missed you," Emily said looking elsewhere, "I just couldn't..."

"You don't need to explain anything Emily, I get it."

Emily looked up at her and a gracious smile crossed her lips. "Thank you for everything."

"Always."

The door opened behind Emily and Hotch stuck his head in. "JJ, we got a case, can you get Morgan?" He was about to close the door behind him when he noticed Emily sitting there.

"Hi Emily, I didn't see you come in." Hotch observed.

"Reid and I just got here a minute ago," She explained.

Hotch nodded and left the office to go get Rossi.

XXX

The team met in the conference room, but instead of JJ presenting the case, Hotch did. Rossi welcomed Reid and Emily before they started, but Hotch wanted to hurry.

"We got a call from Atlanta. They have had four murders over the past month." Hotch informed them.

"That's not much of a cooling off period," Morgan observed.

Hotch nodded and continued. "It looks to the police that he broke into their houses while they were alone and kidnapped them. He then took them to a secondary location to murder them and then brought them to the dump site. And not only has the murderer gotten away with these murders, but he has now started taunting the police. He places the bodies in public places, where there's prone to be a lot of foot traffic. He wants a maximum number of people to see these bodies before the cops get there."

"Who are the victims?" Emily asked hesitantly.

"That's the thing," Hotch started, "There were two women and two men, well, one man and one boy. Their ages ranged from eight to sixty eight. The Atlanta PD hasn't been able to find any discernible connection between the victims."

On the screen Hotch went through photos of the victims, there were before and after shots. As Emily saw the picture of a mutilated thirty two year old woman, she felt anger boil in the pit of her stomach. Next was a photo of a man, he looked to be around sixty. She had to bite her lip to keep herself from saying anything about it. Her vision blurred with anger.

But the worst came when the picture of the eight year old boy came across the screen.

The last time she could remember herself being this mad was about a month ago with Reid.

XXX

_Emily sat at the kitchen table. Spencer kept his eyes down. _

_"Spencer." She said._

_"I'm sorry." He said immediately, always keeping his eyes down. Emily sighed angrily, she hated that Reid blamed himself for the death of Sophia. She couldn't watch him do this to himself any longer._

_"Look. At. Me." She growled out. She almost regretted her harsh tone when she saw Reid's pained eyes. His behavior made her so mad. _

_"Emily..." He started. She stood up and stepped forward, taking a moment to forget her sadness and let herself be angry. _

_"You need to stop blaming yourself." She said, "I'm sick of you pretending that it is your fault. It's not!" She tried to control her voice, but as she started at Reid, it was like she couldn't hold in the anger. _

_"If I had protected you..." His hands fidgeted almost violently with each other. _

_"Spencer! Listen to me right now. I have put up with you guilting yourself for a month and a half. I won't let this go on anymore." Emily almost stopped when she saw the hurt look in the soft brown eyes that began to shine._

_"Sophia is gone, but it's nothing you did. You. Did. Not. Kill. Her. Get that through your genius brain!" Emily yelled at him. Her eyes were on fire, she was enraged to the point of tears. He didn't kill Sophia. He wasn't the one carrying her, Emily held this guilt alone. _

_"Don't you dare say you're sorry." Emily warned, "Tell me that you know it's not your fault." _

_"I-It's not my fault." Reid whispered. Emily wiped away the lonely tear that began making its way down his face. Emily let her hand rest on his cheek, he leaned into the touch that had become almost foreign. _

_"Can you look me in the eye now without berating yourself?" Emily asked gently, all anger previously in her system gone. Reid nodded and Emily kissed his cheek. _

_"Thanks Emmy." Reid said. Emily was startled at the nickname. Spencer hadn't called her Emmy in a long time. And for once the name didn't annoy her. _

_In fact, it was the only time Emily had come close to smiling since they lost the baby. And in that moment, Emily knew it was important to keep Reid close. Because as of right now, all they had were each other._


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello all! Here is our next chapter, and we hope you love it :) All the response we have been getting is GREAT and if you have time, we'd love to hear what you are thinking. **

**We do not own Criminal Minds**

Reid sat next to Emily in the back of the airplane after the team had gone through the case some more. They would be arriving to Atlanta soon, but Reid couldn't get the look in Emily's eyes out of his mind. As they had discussed the case, pain passed through them every so often, mostly while they looked at pictures of the victims. He wondered if maybe they had come back to work too soon.

Reid suddenly felt guilty, like he had pushed too hard to get her to work today. And the thought that didn't help was that now that they were here he knew Emily wasn't going to leave anytime soon. She felt then same loyalty to the team, and every victim they saw that he did. But now Reid was afraid that if Emily was surrounded by all of this horror too soon that all of the progress she had made would be lost.

They arrived at their hotel and would start work the next morning at the station. Reid and Morgan were to share a room; Strauss didn't approve of mixed gender rooms. Especially if you were together, too much of a distraction. But Reid protested immediately when Hotch assigned the rooms.

"It will be me and Rossi in 208, JJ and Emily in 209 and Reid and Morgan in room 210. Get some sleep we have a long day tomorrow."

Reid wondered if he was the only one who saw the fright in Emily's eyes.

"Hotch, I was wondering if Emily and I could be in a room together."

"Agent Reid you know I can't do that." Hotch kept eye contact with the young agent, no matter how difficult it was to see the hurt in his eyes.

"Please Hotch," Reid begged, abandoning his anger and turning to demeaning pleading.

"No, that's my final answer." Hotch forced out. He hated to hurt Reid, but he couldn't allow them to stay together during a case, it was already against FBI protocol to be in a relationship with a co-worker.

Reid's face fell and he turned away, Hotch sighed and went to his own room.

XXX

Late that night Emily lay with her eyes open. Loneliness encased her being, and the space next to her void. The bed wasn't warm and she couldn't hear Reid's soft breathing next to her anymore.

JJ was across the room fast asleep and she wondered how she could sleep soundly without Will next to her or Henry only a few footsteps away.

She rolled out of bed and grabbed a room key. She opened the door silently and walked to 210. She knocked quietly on the door, she wouldn't stay long, but she just wanted a few minutes of comfort before going back to her lonely hotel room.

Reid was lying in his bed, hands resting on his chest. He gazed up at the ceiling, wondering if Emily was asleep yet and if she was feeling the same loneliness that he was.

Three soft raps echoed through the silent hotel room and Reid got out of bed. He walked over to the door and looked out the peephole. He opened the door immediately when he saw who was on the other side.

No words were exchanged when they looked into each other's eyes, Emily just walked in and Reid shut the door after her.

Emily lay on Reid's bed, and he followed.

"I won't stay all night...I just..." Emily whispered, she felt Reid's familiar arms wrap around her.

"I know." He said quietly, pulling her closer. Emily closed her eyes and curled closer to him. Reid shut his eyes and rested his head on hers.

The next thing Emily knew was that sunlight was assaulting her eyelids.

She swore and sat up. She kissed Reid in the cheek before she untangled her limbs from his and quickly left the room. She let herself into her and JJ's hotel room, hoping the other agent didn't notice her absence. She grabbed new clothes and went to shower, knowing she wouldn't get any sleep without Reid there next to her.

XXX

The team arrived at the Atlanta Police Department and were introduced to Head Detective Young. He informed them of the latest updates, which wasn't much, and Hotch started delegating jobs.

"Morgan, I want you and Emily to go to the latest crime scene. Rossi and JJ you can talk to the victims' families, and Reid and I will stay here and start with a geographic profile." Hotch told his team.

They all nodded in agreement and Emily and Morgan left the Police Department and got in a black SUV. They were headed to Centennial Olympic Park, where the eight year olds body had been found.

As they sat in silence in the SUV, Morgan kept glancing over at Emily. She and Reid may have thought he was asleep when she came into their room last night, but he hadn't been. He had heard the hurt in her voice when she talked to Reid, and how she had clung to him like a life line.

He had known she wouldn't be the same person after what had happened, but right now it just seemed like she was hollow, like there was a part missing to her. But then again, that was true.

"How're you holding up Princess?" Morgan asked tenderly.

"I'm okay," She said glumly, staring out the window.

Morgan didn't push anything, because now wasn't the time. Not right before they were going to see where an eight year olds body had been dumped.

They pulled into the parking lot of the park and got out. The sounds of shouting and giggling kids drifted over from the swing set. Families were sitting at picnic tables and dogs were barking. It was as if everyone had forgotten the horror that had happened here just a few days ago.

Morgan pulled out the case file and opened it. After scanning it for a moment he spoke.

"His body was found over here." He started walking, with Emily close behind, to the base of a blue twisting slide.

They stood there in silence for a moment as a boy, around four or five, came flying down the slide squealing.

"Okay, he was found here by a family who came the next morning to play at the park. They were there at ten, so it's most likely he was placed here sometime between midnight and eight am." Morgan observed.

"What kind of sick bastard does that?" Emily spat out in disgust.

"I don't know," Morgan shook his head, "I just don't know."

"I mean it's not enough that he had to kill this little boy, but then he had to put him here! And that family, what if their child had found the body? What would that have done to them?" Emily didn't even realize she was shouting until Morgan rested his hand on her arm. She looked around and saw parents staring at her. A little girl was standing in the sand next to her wide eyes.

"I'm sorry," She whispered to the little girl, "I'm sorry," She said a little louder as she stumbled backwards.

Morgan directed Emily over to an empty picnic table away from the other families and she sat down. He took a seat next to her and looked into her eyes. They were usually guarded, but right now he could see right into them, and it made him hurt.

"Emily..." He took her hands and she looked at him. "Please talk to me Em," He begged.

"About what?"

Morgan sighed. "You Emily. Talk to me about you. Tell me how you're feeling; tell me what you're thinking about. Tell me that you're mad, tell me that you're sad, tell me that you miss her, but don't tell me that you're okay."

Emily glanced back over to the park and looked at that little girl who had been standing next to her and her eyes misted over.

"Sometimes I feel... I feel like... I shouldn't, but I do, and I just, I don't..." Emily trailed off.

"Emily, anything you are feeling right now is natural." Morgan assured her.

Still Emily looked down as if ashamed. "I feel alone. I know I shouldn't, because I have Spencer, but I feel like I'm just a burden to him. How could he want to be with me after I couldn't even carry our child?"

Morgan let out just the smallest of smiles. "Emily, it may be hard for you to see right now, but for everyone else it's obvious. Reid loves you. He loved you before you were pregnant, and he loves you now after what's happened. He will always love you."

Emily looked back up into Morgan's eyes.

"And I for one will always be here for you." Morgan draped his arm around Emily and pulled her in close. "No matter what, I love you and I will never leave. I want you to remember that the next time you feel alone. If you don't want to talk to Reid, then talk to me. I care about you and I want you to know that."

"I know." Morgan could hear the smile in Emily's voice. They stayed there like that for a while. They saw the kids run around the park, and Emily felt something in her heart. But it wasn't that ache she was so accustomed to; instead it was something she couldn't recognize. It was something so foreign to her, something like, hope?

"We should get back to work, I want to find this bastard," Emily said defiantly.


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry for the wait, it's been a pretty hectic week! Once again, we love hearing from you, and would appreciate it if you'd leave a review telling us what you think :) But most of all we hope you enjoy reading our story.**

**We do not own Criminal Minds**

Reid and Hotch worked at the station creating a geographic profile. Reid was silent; he didn't start eagerly spouting off facts when Hotch brought something up. He'd even started bringing up things he knew Reid loved to talk about.

Drastic measures had to be taken and Hotch started a sentence with "Do you know much about..."

Reid shrugged his shoulders, and Hotch scowled. His agents had gone through major changes, and Hotch knew they weren't good ones.

"Spencer, why don't we go get some coffee." Hotch tried to speak in the assuring voice he would normally use with Jack.

Reid jerked up at the use of his first name. "O-okay." He said and got up. They walked in silence out of the station and down the block to the nearest coffee shop. Reid walked with his hands in his pockets. He watched the sidewalk instead of keeping his head up.

They turned into the shop and ordered their drinks; after they received the coffee they grabbed a corner table in the back.

"Spencer," Hotch hoped that using the profiler's first name would help him open up, "How are you dealing with this?"

"I'm alright," Reid started, he saw the expectant look in Hotch's eyes and twisted his coffee cup around, "Sometimes it doesn't feel real, I guess. Other times it feels so real that I can barely get out of bed in the morning. I worry about Emily; sometimes it feels like she's slipping through my fingers."

Hotch took a deep breath before addressing the young man, "Spencer, look at me."

Reid looked at his superior, sadness making his eyes darker.

"It's going to take time, believe me. Even though Haley's death was a long time ago I still feel the pain. It will always hurt, but you can't let it weigh you down."

"How do I do that? I can't stop thinking about what I could have done, or how it would be different if she was still here." Reid continued to play with his coffee cup, his gaze back at the table. He looked up when Hotch talked again.

"That's why it's weighing you down. You need to look at your future and decide that you want to make it the best it can be. You will never forget the pain, but you can't let it tear you apart. You and Emily have a life ahead of you, so make it." Hotch was proud of his little speech, and when he saw some of the light come back into the deep brown eyes he knew that he'd done the right thing.

"Did you know that couples that experience a miscarriage are twenty-two percent more likely to break up?" Reid blurted. Hotch almost smiled, not at the information, but because he could see the old Spencer coming back.

"Not everything in life's a statistic, Reid. You and Emily have been through so much together, you'll hold out."

Reid smiled a little bit, "Thanks Hotch. I think I needed that."

"No problem, now let's get back to work."

They walked out of the shop and Reid squinted his eyes when they twinged at the sudden light. He inwardly swore as he realized the pain that was soon to plague him. His head was pounding by the time they got to the station and Reid could barely keep his eyes open anymore.

Reid held his head in his hands, eyes squeezed shut as tightly as they could be he took deep breaths. He knew that the team would be discussing the case soon and he didn't know if he'd be able to open his eyes. He sat down in the closest chair next to him hoping to keep his balance.

Moments later he felt a hand on his shoulder and he groaned. They would expect him to make eye contact.

"Spencer, are you alright?" Emily asked. She felt Reid relax beneath her hand. She noticed his set jaw and she sat next to him.

"Spencer. What's wrong?"

"My head." He whispered, and Emily ran a hand through his hair.

"Where are your sunglasses, I'll get them for you." Emily asked, moving over to his bag.

"I didn't bring them with...I haven't had one in months." He whispered, pressing his hands over his eyes again.

Emily grabbed his elbow and guided him to stand. "We'll get you to the hotel and I'll tell the team you aren't feeling well." Emily walked over to Hotch and when she told him he just nodded understandingly. He thought it might be good for the young man to get some rest.

XXX

They got to Reid's hotel room and Emily helped him on the bed. She quickly closed all of the blinds and turned the lights off. Reid lay back and sighed. Emily went into the bathroom and opened the cabinet. She grabbed a small tube of Ibuprofen and took four. She quickly filled a cup of water and brought it out to him.

He graciously took them and swallowed the pills with no hesitation.

"Thank you," he whispered, his sensitivity to sounds not allowing him to speak any louder. Emily sat next to him and grabbed his hand. He squinted at her and gave her a half smile.

"I love you," she whispered back, and almost cringed at how foreign the words felt. She was surprised when Reid pulled her close to him and kissed her.

Reid held Emily's hand after the kiss and smiled to himself. His headache was dulling and he knew that he wasn't losing Emily as he thought he was.

Maybe things weren't as broken as they seemed.

XXX

After Reid was feeling better he and Emily made their way back to the Police Department hoping to help. When they looked around they saw the rest of the team sitting in the conference room with the table provided to them by the Atlanta Police Department. Detective Young was there alongside Rossi.

Reid looked over and saw the geographic profile they had started, and instantly he knew why he was always assigned that job.

"Good to see you Pretty Boy," Morgan acknowledged him, "You too Princess."

"We were just about to talk about what we all found." Hotch told them as they sat down.

"We think this UNSUB has a grudge against the Police the way he is taunting them," Rossi said, "We don't know if it is at this department specifically, or at them in general."

"And if he has a grudge against them he could be trying to tell the community about it in the way he leaves the bodies out in the open." Morgan added.

"Why would someone have a grudge against this department?" Detective Young asked.

"It could be any number of reasons," Reid pitched in. "They could feel wronged, maybe they were arrested for something they feel they weren't responsible for."

"But that doesn't explain the victimology," Emily quickly added, "If that's what he was trying to do wouldn't he just have one victim type? He's all over the charts with this."

They all nodded thoughtfully, when Reid jumped in with an excited tone, "Maybe that's not what he's doing! Maybe he's avenging the death of people close to him. They could have been murdered and the police either didn't find the UNSUB, or they thought it was him. Either of those would bring a lot of rage towards the police."

"A woman in her thirties, a man and woman around their sixties, and a boy who's eight. That makes out for a family. Parents, wife and son." JJ observed.

Hotch nodded and dialed Garcia's number on the phone and then put it on speaker.

"Hello my beauties, welcome to the Palace of All Knowledge!" Garcia greeted them.

"Hey Garcia, I need you to pull up files in the Atlanta database for the past two years," Hotch said, "Most likely a home invasion. The victims would be a woman around thirty, two older men and women, and a young boy."

They could hear Garcia typing furiously over the phone. "I've got forty, can you narrow that down for me?"

"Take out all solved cases," Morgan said.

"That still leaves me with fifteen."

"Take out all where there wasn't a survivor." Emily added.

"I've got two!"

"Who are the survivors?" Rossi asked.

"I've got a sixteen year old girl and a thirty five year old man." Accomplishment hinted in Garcia's tone.

"It's that one!" Morgan shouted.

"Tell us about the case." Rossi requested.

"Okay," Garcia started, "It was six months ago. According to Brett Stevens three men broke into his house. They hand cuffed him and his wife to the bed. His parents were spending the weekend. They went and killed both parents, and then they brought an eight year old boy and a five year old girl into their bedroom... Oh god," Garcia gasped.

"It's okay baby girl, keep going," Morgan encouraged.

"One man held the kids down and made them watch as they killed his wife. Then after that they killed the little boy," Garcia gulped, "After that they killed the little girl. They were going to kill him when they heard sirens. Apparently the neighbors had called the police. They ran away before they had a chance to kill him."

"Let me guess," Emily said, "The police thought it was him."

"Right on my darling, they thought he had killed his family and handcuffed himself to the bed when he heard the police. They weren't ever able to find enough evidence on him so it went un-solved."

Each member of the team sat there thinking when suddenly Emily brought up something none of them had realized. "You guys, he is killing people as surrogates to his own family."

They all nodded in agreement trying to figure out where she was going with it.

"His daughter was killed." Suddenly everyone's attention was on her.

"Garcia do you have an address for him?" Hotch asked.

"I'm sending it to your phones right now, but wait... he also has a cabin, I'm sending you that address also." A moment later each of them received them on their phones.

"Okay," Hotch thought this out, "I want Morgan, Prentiss, JJ and Detective Young to take the cabin. Rossi, Reid, and I will take the house. Be reachable at all times."

They all agreed as they hurried out of the police department and into SUVs.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello! We hope you all had a great Easter and weekend, I know I did. Just a random thought, I have to do a speech on someone who impacted the world and I chose John Douglas. For those of you who don't know who he is, he joined the Behavioral Science Unit in the FBI and is known for making it what it is today. It's thought that Gideon's character was based off of him. Well, I thought it was interesting, so I thought I'd let you know :)**

**Without further ado, here is the next chapter.**

**We do not own Criminal Minds.**

Reid thought of Emily as they drove down the road with their sirens on. He prayed to God that the UNSUB was at the house, he would rather face him then have Emily do so.

Hotch was giving instructions on how they would proceed once they reached the house. A little while later Hotch turned off the sirens and they drove in silence as they approached the house. He parked the SUV a few houses down and they all got out.

With guns drawn they approached the dark house. Rossi went around back and Hotch reached forward to open the front door, but it was locked. He took a step back and kicked in the door.

He stepped in silently with Reid right behind him.

XXX

The cabin was farther away, but with Morgan driving at twice the speed limit, they were able to get there pretty fast.

When they pulled up to the cabin and it was pitch black inside.

"Okay," Morgan breathed. "Young and JJ take the back, Prentiss and I have the front." They all nodded and went to their designated positions.

Morgan tried for the front door, and wasn't surprised that it was locked. He brought his foot back and kicked the door in. Emily winced at the loud noise it made, but they hurried in.

From the back of the cabin JJ and Young had entered and started clearing the back. Morgan went upstairs and called down that it was clear.

XXX

As the three of them searched Stevens' house it was silent. Hotch and Reid went upstairs and looked in all of the rooms. When they came to the last two they opened them and saw that they were kids rooms. The first one was clearly a boy's. It was painted blue and it looked as if nothing had been touched since the young boy's death. Clothes littered the floor and the bed was unmade.

Toys were scattered about, most of them cars or trucks, and a few animals.

Once they had deemed the room clear they set off to the other one. This one was pink. It had a small table with a tea set in the corner, and dolls sitting at each of the chairs except one. This bed was neatly made, and stuff animals lined the edges of it.

Reid took in a deep breath before exiting the room and closing the door behind him.

XXX

JJ and Young were finishing the ground floor when Emily heard a noise behind a door. Delicately she opened it and saw it lead to a basement. She listened intensely and heard a whimper.

She looked back behind her and saw that JJ and Young were no longer around her, and if she shouted she would alert Stevens. She cocked her weapon up in front of her and slowly stepped down the stairs.

Emily took one last deep breath as she rounded the corner.

"FBI! Stevens, drop the gun!" She shouted when she saw a man holding a gun up to a small girls head.

"No," He said staring at her defiantly.

"Brett, we both know that you don't want to do this." Emily said in a calm voice, the opposite of what she was feeling inside.  
>"You don't know anything!" He cried in response.<p>

"I know Brett, I know more than you think I do. I know that your family was killed, and I know that the police didn't do anything about it."

"You don't know how that feels! To have your entire family slaughtered and everyone blame you!" He pulled the little girl closer to him and moved his finger towards the trigger. He had placed the girl so she was blocking a clear shot at him.

"I know what it's like to lose someone you love Brett, I know it hurts. I know that you feel helpless and alone right now. But this isn't what you want to do. Right now you are taking a little girl from a family that loves her very much. Do you want someone else to feel the way you do right now? Do you want someone else to suffer?" Emily pleaded.

She could see confliction in his eyes. Morgan stepped down the stairs and stood behind Emily with his gun pointed out.

"Please Brett, don't do this. The pain will get better, I promise you. I need you to remember that it is not this little girls fault, and it's not your fault either. Think about your wife. What would she thing if she saw what you were doing?" Emily continued.

The man loosened his grip on the little girl, but didn't let her go.

"Come on Brett, think about this. You don't want this to happen to another family. I know you want your daughter back, but hurting another girl isn't going to make that happen. None of what you are doing is going to soothe your pain." Emily saw the man hesitate. He looked between her and the little girl.

"I'm so sorry," He cried and then removed the gun from the little girls head and brought it to his own.

"No, Brett don't!" Emily shouted, but it was already too late. A gun shot rang through the air and Brett's limp body slid to the ground and hit the little girl who had now started sobbing.

Morgan and Emily ran forward towards them. Morgan pulled Brett up and felt for a pulse, there was none. Emily picked up the crying girl and held her close to her chest.

"It's okay," She whispered, "It's all going to be okay."

XXX

Hotch, Rossi, and Reid had cleared the entire house when Hotch's phone rang.

"Hotchner."

"We got him," Morgan said.

"The little girl?" He asked.

"She's safe. We reached her parents who should be arriving soon. Turned out they had a babysitter, Stevens broke in and tased her." Morgan explained.

"What happened to Stevens?"

"Dead."

"Okay, we're on our way." Hotch said and then hung up the phone.

XXX

Emily sat next to the little girl in the back of the ambulance as they checked her out.

"It's all going to be okay." She rubbed the hiccuping girls back, "Your parents are going to be here really soon."

The little girl nodded with tears in her eyes, and soon the medic was done. Emily pulled her onto her lap and sat there with her in her arms. It felt so right to have her there as Emily comforted the little girl. She didn't want to ever let her go. But eventually her parents arrived and pulled her into their arms.

Emily watched as they hugged the little girl. She saw the tears in their eyes, and the comfort on the little girls face, because she knew she was safe now.

Morgan walked over to her and sat down. "You did good today Prentiss, you saved that little girls life."

Emily nodded and kept her gaze over at the family. She wanted that. She wanted to have a family like that and she wanted to love her child unconditionally. She wanted to be there for them when times were bad, and she wanted to be there to celebrate when times were good. And she wanted Spencer to be there with her to do so.

"You can have another chance Emily," Morgan said as he put his arm around her. "Doing so isn't trying to replace Sophia, or saying that you no longer care. It's showing that you have so much love that you want to share it."

**We hope you'd all leave a review, because we love hearing from you!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello again! As you'll probably notice, this chapter is pretty short, but that's because this section didn't fit with anything else. We have one more chapter after this, and we would love to hear your thoughts, and maybe what you think will happen next. Enjoy!**

**We do now own Criminal Minds**

Emily lay in bed with her eyes wide open. She could feel Reid's arms wrapped around her, and embraced his touch. They had flown back from Atlanta the day before, and the entire time she couldn't get what Morgan had said out of her mind.

Gently she un-wrapped Reid's arms from her and slid out of his grip, being careful not to wake him up. Outside the faint sounds of birds chirping greeted her and she took a moment to gaze out at the blue sky.

Although Stevens had taken the lives of four, they had managed to keep that number from five. They couldn't go back to change anything, but they had given that girl a second chance at life.

And in the back of Emily's minds, she thought, that maybe that little girl hadn't been the only one given a second chance.

Emily pulled her gaze from outside and tiptoed to the dresser drawer that had been in her thoughts. It was the one she had found herself drawn to just a few days ago, but this time it seemed different. She opened it slowly and without looking brought her hand to the small velvet box.

The velvet felt right in her hand as she held it up. She opened it and looked at the beautiful ring that Spencer had given to her all those months ago, the one she had taken off after Sophia's death. Then she couldn't even look at it, the small weight of it carried a heavy burden, but now that burden had been lifted.

Picking it up she slipped it around her finger; it looked right. It no longer slipped, but rested peacefully in its place. It glimmered in the sunlight and Emily smiled.

It looked right.

She placed the empty velvet box back in the drawer and closed it. She turned and looked at her fiancé. She couldn't remember the last time she had called him that. Although the words felt new to her mouth;

They felt right.

Reid's brown hair plastered to his peaceful face and he adjusted himself in sleep. The stress and pain from the past few months had drained from his face, now only leaving his handsome features. She could tell that there had been a change in both of them.

After taking another glance at the ring Emily left the room and walked downstairs. She entered the kitchen and went to the refrigerator. She took out the egg carton and started to fix them breakfast.

XXX

Reid awoke to a delicious smell, and when he rolled over saw that Emily was gone. He rolled out of bed and rubbed his eyes. He stumbled down the stairs, still tired, but following the smell of breakfast. When he entered the kitchen he saw Emily standing in front of the stove in the process of making French toast.

"I was just going to wake you up sleepy head," Emily said as she motioned for him to sit down. Reid smiled, and complied.

Emily dished out a generous portion of the French toast onto each plate and sat them down on the table. After that she set a bowl of fruit alongside the plates, and poured them glasses of milk.

She sat down next to Reid and dug into her food. He almost didn't recognize her, but followed her lead happily and inhaled his huge breakfast.

Reid was taking in the last bite of his toast when he looked over at Emily, and saw something that he hadn't been expecting. On her ring finger was the engagement ring he had given her. For so long he had prayed that she would wear it, and now she finally was.

XXX

After they had finished breakfast they went outside and lay on their hammock. Emily opened up her latest Kurt Vonnegut book and curled into Reid's side.

As Emily read, Reid listened to her peaceful breathing. The even sounds made him relax as he pulled Emily closer into his arms.

After a while Emily put her book down and turned to face Reid. "I love you Spencer." She smiled and leaned down to kiss him.

As their kiss ended Reid gazed into Emily's deep brown eyes. "I love you too Emily, and I will always love you."

**Thanks for reading, we'd love it if you'd review! **


	8. Epilogue

**Guess who's updating this chapter? THE OTHER AUTHOR, IJUSTWANTYOUTOKNOW!**

**I bet you are all really excited.**

Four Years Later

Emily sat under the large oak tree, her legs crossed as she leaned against the trunk. The afternoon sun was glowing an orange color, with still a few more hours of sunlight left. She watched as her three year old son toddled toward his father.

"Ball!" Gabriel yelled, and reached up. Emily smiled at the encounter between father and son. Reid rolled the ball towards him, but ended up missing by a few feet.

Gabriel clumsily ran over to the ball and fell over as he tried to pick it up. Reid ran over, "Gabe, are you okay?" Panic was clear in his voice.

Gabriel looked up at his worried dad, "Gabe otay daddy!" He slowly got up and picked the ball up carefully this time. He dropped the ball as he took another step, but Reid picked it up this time, not wanting to see his son fall.

"Daddy, I want ball!" Gabriel started running towards Reid.

"No Gabe, stay there," Reid said as he backed away, but Gabriel continued to run after him. "I can't play ball with you if you're standing right next to me.

"BUT I WANT BALL!" Gabriel shouted as he ran into Reid's legs knocking him off balance. He tumbled backwards and landed on the ground with a thud.

Gabriel jumped on top of him and grabbed the ball while Emily chuckled. Gabriel began toddling away with a childish grin as he giggled at the sight of his dad on the ground.

Emily heard a car pull into the parking lot behind her and looked back. She saw a black SUV park and five familiar faces got out.

As Morgan got out of the passenger seat he saw Reid laying on the ground. Emily saw Morgan's look and knew her husband was in for it.

Reid didn't even notice the new arrivals until Morgan was standing above him with a hand extended.

"So Pretty boy, how'd you end up on the ground?"

Reid scowled at him, "I'd rather not talk about it."

But then Gabriel hurried over, "I pushed daddy!" He said excitedly, but then thought for a second, "Sorry," He added with a grin as he patted Reid on the leg.

Morgan stared at Reid for a moment and then laughed as he helped him up.

"What were you two doing before I got here? Wrestling?" Morgan asked as he sized Reid up and down who now had dirt on his clothing.

"Were were playing catch... kind of..."

"I wonder what kind of catch you play," Morgan looked around and saw Gabriel being cooed at by the women.

"Looks like you've got a ladies man on your hands, Reid, "Morgan joked. "Let's go start another game of catch or he'll never get away from them!"

Morgan ran over to the group of women, greeted them, and then swiftly pulled Gabriel into his arms and hurried away.

"I think we just got Gabe stolen from us!" Garcia exclaimed as they watched Morgan set Gabriel down for another game of catch. Not too soon later Hotch and Rossi joined and they started to play monkey in the middle. With Reid in the middle.

The girls laughed as the game continued, and Reid failed to catch the ball. JJ turned to Emily and a smile graced her face, "So, when are you going to tell the rest of the team?"

Garcia nodded eagerly, "I can't wait to see their faces!"

"Especially Reids!" JJ added.

Emily's hand instinctively traveled to rest on her slightly rounded stomach, "I think I'm going to do it tonight."

As the sun started to set the shadows of trees were cast onto the ground and the sound of laughter surrounded Emily. She watched her family and knew that even though a part of them was missing, that they could still lead the life they had always wanted.

"_There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and and people we can't live without but have to let go." - Author Unknown_

**The End**

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